Tell Me Something About Yourself  

“Or, are you actually doing something? Are you, for instance, going to a bar, a show, or a birthday party? If so, would you mind letting me know somehow when you get there?  I’m most eager to know the following: the address of any establishments you plan to visit/visit/visited, if you will have/are having/had fun, any other items about people I haven’t met (their names just sound cool) and if you have a hangover. If you have a hangover please describe it in great detail. I invite you to do this because, and this is just me guessing, most likely, however bad you feel now directly relates to however much fun you had at your event. I’ve been wondering for a while how much fun you have, so this would help me clear things up.

Also, have you just realized something? I’d like to know if what you’ve realized is a universal truth. I may be older than you and, if so, I’m interested to hear how younger generations are finally figuring it out for everyone. But if I’m younger than you, can it. You’re probably just bitter about how my generation realized all those universal truths after you idiots just bumbled around in the dark until we arrived.

Do you want to come over and watch some television with me? Or better yet, just stay where you are and watch the same show that I’m watching alone in my apartment, alone in your apartment. The only thing is, I want to know what you think about each plot device and certain lines of dialogue — so try to remember all of that and tell me at some point. Don’t forget about the commercials.

You guys, you guys, you guys, you guys, you guys — do you have any topical quips?”

“I mean, #youhavetogivemesomething.”

Ok so we’ve all done these things and they’re not necessarily bad, just human nature. But it’s partially the reason I quit facebook. And if I’m going to be honest, partially the reason I plan on rejoining.